10 ways of Itachi vs Sasuke
by Demon God of Chaos
Summary: Itachi VS Sasuke 10 times... with the last time being for the slashy yaoi fangirls... god, i swear that the last scene was burning my eyes as i wrote it... anyhow, expect humour... reviewes will be appreciated.


**10 ways of Sasuke VS Itachi!**

Disclaimer; Because we need some humour in my profile selection… 10 meetings between Sasuke and Itachi! And well… no comment further because it is probably very odd for you people… but then again, I was pretty out of it when I wrote this, so if Sasuke and Itachi are OOC, which I know they are… blame the spirits that possessed me to write it…

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MEETING 1

"Otouto… Finally we meet again." Itachi looked at Sasuke, who gave him a cold look back. It was in the Wave Country that he had found his Otouto once again, only to deliver a certain item to him, that he had accidentally taken with him while fleeing Konoha. The item rested in his pocket.

"Itachi! How dare you appear before me now! Katon: Goukakyou no Jutsu." Itachi watched the fire plume make its way towards him, before swishing his cloak, a gale-force wind appearing, the fire being extinguished. "I came here to bring you this."

From his Akatsuki cloak, he pulled a stuffed little bunny, which he threw towards Sasuke. Sasuke's eyes went wide and he dove to catch the bunny before it would get all dirty. When he had caught it, he cried "Usagi-chan! I've been so worried for you when I couldn't find you after Itachi killed mom and dad. Now you are safe..." he hugged the stuffed animal with a hug which seemed to be bone-crushing, in a child's tone he said "Usagi-chan, why don't I make sure that there is a nice place for you in my backpack?" Sasuke went to put the stuffed animal into his backpack, being all happy like a little child and not angsty like before because he had his prized bunny rabbit back…

Naruto's only comment was to say "Sasuke-teme likes stuffed animals?" a round of roaring laughter followed shortly after that… Sakura was looking at the kawaii scene of Sasuke lovingly caress the bunny "wishing it was her instead"

"Kisame, we are leaving…" the shark man nodded and followed his partner, when they were about to leave Wave country he commented "Itachi-san, your brother is strange." Itachi nodded and said; "He was always like that… But everyone in this world is strange…"

MEETING 2

"ITACHI! PREPARE TO DIE!" Sasuke roared as he threw kunai after kunai at his brother's form, the older one being very elusive, using the Sharingan to predict the movements of his younger brother. The feeling that went through Sasuke's spine was something that was odd. When he looked at his brother, he saw that there was a big gash on his shirt, making his brother look at him with murder in his eyes. Sasuke flung another kunai, and Itachi didn't even dodge, and it went through another part of his clothing, which was the waistband that kept his pants up… snicker

"UCHIHA SASUKE!" Itachi's voice was heard in the surrounding area, causing most of the people to look at Itachi and freeze where they stood. Sasuke himself was gaping as he saw something that he would never have suspected to see… a female breast hanging out of Itachi's clothing, a bit of shredded bra being visible. Also a pair of feminine panties in the nether regions…

It was official… Uchiha Itachi, massacrer of his clan was… a woman.

"Itachi-neechan?" Itachi looked at Sasuke and slowly spoke "Hai, Otouto?" Sasuke's reaction to her words brought forth many questions, the first and foremost being "ARE YOU A CROSS DRESSER OR SOMETHING?" Itachi rolled her eyes and then dryly answered "Ever since I was born… though dad found it funny to address me as a man, and genjutsu is easy to hide breasts and a vagina…" this would go to explain soooooo much

Sasuke looked at his sister for a few moments wrapping his mind around his older brother really being his older sister and said "I guess that settles it… my brother is dead, and now I can revive the clan. Itachi-neesan, is there anyone you want to date?"( aahhhh the joy of being simple minded and stupid as a box of rocks with dead sheep piled under them) Itachi looked at Naruto with a slightly amused face on her face, which still looked damn much like fugaku's but the femininity was now more visible, after she put her breast back in and asked "Would you mind if I dated him?"

Naruto's reaction to seeing Sasuke nod was to look around, then beat a hasty retreat… discovering that Itachi was a woman and wanted to date him was too much to bear for now… hopefully Tsunade would be able to make sure that Sasuke and Itachi got back their home in Konoha if they returned, but then he'd be on the other side of town, so that they couldn't find him.

Itachi chased him into the distance…

MEETING 3

"So, you are weak… my foolish little brother…" Itachi's muttering reached his ears, causing him to look up from his position on the floor, straight under Itachi's Akatsuki cloak, seeing something very peculiar. "Itachi, why are you wearing a pair of panties with a bear striped motif on it?"

Itachi blushed and said: "Could you believe that I lost a bet from Kisame? We bet that I could kill someone with just a glance… but I lost and now I got to wear those things for a while…" Sasuke nodded and said: "Otousan also wore panties once, because he and mom had a bet about the probability of him being able to change a diaper…"

"Oh that? I remember, I pulled his pants down on a meeting once, then looked innocent… Hey, I got to go now, I got some killing to do now… take care, and I'll send you a jutsu scroll within a week, okay?" Sasuke nodded, the brotherly feelings awakening within him once again, Itachi helping him up and saying: "Hai, Aniki… Could you also include some information on the Sharingan? Mangekyou still isn't able to activate even though I fulfilled the condition…"

"All in due time, Otouto… see you in a month or so…" and off Itachi was towards his target…

MEETING 4

"Foolish brother…" he muttered, before looking at his brother, who was giving him a hate-filled glare and then he grinned, before grabbing the microphone and putting it to his mouth, it opening. "I always wanted to sing my feelings! Music, lights, action!" the song that he picked was suitable to the situation, We are the Champions, from a strange band named Queen…

"No time for losers 'Cause we are the champions" and the song was finished. Sasuke looked to his elder brother, his mouth in a position which made him look like a fish trying to get air to breathe, which wanted to get back in the water.

"WELL DONE!" a voice said, Hidan coming from one side, throwing him a few roses, with the comment that they were of the ladies… and outside, there stood a crowd of fan girls, looking at Itachi with hearts in their eyes. Itachi chose the best course of action, walking towards Sasuke and then giving him a poke in the fore-head, grinning and then disappearing, nothing having to be said by Sasuke.

Sasuke left three hours later, covered in lipstick marks from the fan girls who wanted the other bishounen…

MEETING 5

"Itachi-niisan, don't tease me like that." Sasuke said, looking at Itachi, who stood there looking at him, making sure to do the very surprised older brother act pretty well, seeing Sasuke in leather clothing, with leather handcuffs on the wrists, with a whip in hand. "I am not sure whether to comment you on being gay or to whip you for even pointing that in my direction…" he pointed towards Sasuke's nether regions, when Sasuke blushed and then heard a voice: "SASUKE! GET DOWN HERE NOW!" and Sakura emerged from the bedroom, dressed in black leather dominatrix outfit…

"Ooh, you've brought another toy to play with?" three minutes later, Itachi was the only surviving Uchiha to walk the earth, and he vowed to settle down… the remains of Haruno Sakura and Uchiha Sasuke were found three days later, the butchered remains being put into a very strange position, impaled on a huge dildo through the ass and a katana sheathed in their bodies…

On the wall a message: UCHIHA ITACHI WAS HERE AND DOES NOT TOLERATE GAY FAMILY MEMBERS…

MEETING 6

"Itachi-bakayarou! Feel the power of Youth!" Itachi looked at Sasuke as the kid was dressed in a tight spandex outfit, something which looked to be very odd, and made Itachi's mangekyou hurt whenever he looked at Sasuke. Seeing the rippling muscles on Sasuke's body, he knew that it had been bad to kill off everyone… he should have left mother alive to make sure that Sasuke would get a fashion sense, and not this…

"THE POWER OF YOUTH IS DIMMING IN YOU, ITACHI-NIISAN!" That was the end, as Sasuke attacked with taijutsu, Itachi making sure to block, but the weights being enough to slightly cause a stinging pain in the arm with which he had blocked. "Foolish brother, cease it this instant. I need to talk to you…"

Sasuke stopped with the attack, looking at Itachi and said; "THE POWER OF YOU--!" Itachi cut him off by saying "The power of youth is achieved by physical training, right?" Sasuke nodded and said: "Gai-sensei hammered that in our heads." The bowl cut was something that irked Itachi greatly and he said; "Sasuke, as your elder brother, and the clan leader at the moment, due to being the eldest, I command you to go and change your hair and outfit back to the traditional outfit, making sure that there will be a proper behaviour used from now. Go and procreate, sire a few kids, and I will do the same, train them and make sure that they know that they are Uchiha, the elite of the elite, and then do battle. Alright?"

Sasuke nodded enthusiastically, the feud with his brother forgotten already. Itachi watched him cut his hair, then got out a pair of scissors and then began to cut his younger brother's hair… just like he used to do when Sasuke was younger. "Do you know that I have no desire to fight you anymore, Sasuke?"

Sasuke nodded and said; "I know, brother. Let's just head separate ways and rebuild our clan."

And the two brothers parted…

MEETING 7

"Itachi-niisan! I love you!" the shout awoke Itachi from his nightmare, it having been about Sasuke who had defected from Konoha for power or something silly like that, and then coming after him and making love to him… but of course, Sasuke would never leave Konoha, because it would be most stupid of him…

Nah, the chance of Sasuke leaving Konoha was something that was impossible, the destruction of the world would be more likely…

Itachi, how wrong are thee!

MEETING 8

"Sasuke, you still are worthless…" Sasuke looked up at his brother, looking at him with a glare of utmost hatred. "Shut up, Itachi, its because of you that I am like this. A hand motion was done, making Itachi smirk. "Bad move, little brother." Sasuke frowned, moving his hand once again, Itachi's smirk getting bigger. "And once again you astound me with your incompetence, little brother…"

Sasuke yelled in outrage, before slamming his hand down, sending Shogi pieces everywhere. "I HATE YOU ITACHI!" and stormed from the room. Itachi laughed at Sasuke, glad that he had won from him once again, during their annual shogi fight…

MEETING 9

Itachi was just finished with laying the knot in the ropes that bound his brother to the tree. He got out one of his kunai, then began to cut the clothes from Sasuke's body, the boy protesting heavily… it was not something that was usually done and Sasuke screamed bloody murder when Itachi came close to his chest, only to see that there was something frilly against the kunai, fishing out a bra with his hand, then a fake boob…

"Sasuke-kun… you tried to become a woman?" Sasuke looked at his elder brother and said; "Hai, aniki…" Itachi shook his head, then opened his akatsuki cloak: "Use implants, they are better when wearing clothes that move a lot…" and revealed an outfit which looked erotic, had there not been a tight leather slip with the words: CAREFUL, LOADED WEAPON! On it… Sasuke began to giggle, and was found three days later by Sakura, who watched her crush strut around with Itachi, both of them wearing make-up and a dress…

Needless to say, there was a strap-on being used by Sakura that night… and she received it in her mouth, her throat being slit for the effort of trying to please her eternal love, Sasuke… but accidentally taking Itachi up his ass… (THE MENTAL IMAGES!)

Life sucks if you are gay and have only a brother to help you out…

MEETING 10 (Don't read if you don't like Shounen-ai/Yaoi… this is specially for slash fangirls…)

"Sasuke-kun…" he muttered, laying next to his brother, sweat still sticking to his forehead of the exertion. "Hai, Aniki?" Itachi's mouth curved into a smile and said; "You were great…"

"Aniki… I love you…" Itachi kissed his younger brother's neck softly, then bit down slowly, causing Sasuke to gasp. "I love you too, Otouto…" Sasuke moved his head to kiss Itachi on the forehead, his hands roaming around Itachi's waist. "Itachi… can we do it again?" Itachi nodded and Sasuke got on all fours, waiting for his big brother to come and make him a man, all over again…

Itachi awoke with sweat to his forehead, the dream being enough to make him awaken. He heard slow breathing next to him, and saw Sasuke's face… he ran immediately, not caring if he was a bit underdressed, snatching his Akatsuki cloak off the hook he had thrown it on and then making sure that he got the hell away from Konoha…

Uchiha Sasuke smiled in his sleep. The dream about his older brother making love to him had been a pleasant one, even though it suddenly cut off… he never had noticed that Itachi had been sleeping in his room once again, being too sleepy to care, Itachi having been in the area the day before and chosen to sleep in his own bed for once, knowing that his younger brother was also there, and somehow, the sleepy Sasuke had undressed and gotten into the wrong room and cuddled up to his brother, naked as the day he was born, thus causing Itachi to flee.

Sasuke would never know that he had slept together with his brother in the same bed.

The time when they met next was memorable. "GET AWAY FROM ME!" Itachi cried out, Sasuke looking weirdly at him. Itachi looked at Kisame and said; "Come on, kill him before he tries to let me have sex with him!" Kisame and Sasuke both looked at Itachi, then kisame began to laugh: "The kid hates you so much and you are thinking that he wants to have sex with you?"

Then he turned to look at Sasuke, whose chest was bare by now, a tattoo with: Property of Uchiha Itachi on his chest, with a small heart with Sasuke X Itachi. "On the other hand… Itachi-san, I'll make sure that he stays away…"

What followed next was Sasuke being done over the cheese grater… and Itachi discovering that Kisame liked little boys…

Sasuke was crying by the end of it, shouting that he wanted his brother, not some fish-smelling old man!... for that, his life was on its end, a decapitation by Itachi putting an end to the torture of Sasuke's proclamations of Love…

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A refreshing new start from Demon God of Chaos, this time aimed at humor… I hope it amuses people… and slash fangirls… send me your emails if you are hot and live in Europe, other people may like to add me too, I accept everyone, without prejudice…

Just add me… my email address can be found on my profile…

Oh yeah…

PLEASE REVIEW!


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